What prevents us from forgiving others?
This past Sunday, I shared a message about forgiveness and its importance in the mind and heart of God. Hopefully, we have had the opportunity to grant forgiveness to those who have trespassed against us. If not, why not?
There are many things that prevent us from forgiving those who we should forgive. Let me share one with you via a story recounted by Max Lucado.
“Each week Kevin Tunell is required to mail a dollar to a family he’d rather forget. They sued him for $1.5 million but settled for $936, to be paid a dollar at a time. The family expects the payment each Friday so Tunell won’t forget what happened on the first Friday of 1982.
That’s the day their daughter was killed. Tunell was convicted of manslaughter and drunken driving. He was 17. She was 18. Tunell served a court sentence. He also spent seven years campaigning against drunk driving, six years more than his sentence required. But he keeps forgetting to send the dollar.
The weekly restitution is to last until the year 2000. Eighteen years. Tunell makes the check out to the victim, mails it to her family, and then the money is deposited in a scholarship fund.
The family has taken him to court four times for failure to comply. After the most recent appearance, Tunell spent thirty days in jail. He insists that he’s not defying the order but rather is haunted by the girl’s death and tormented by the reminders. He offered the family two boxes of checks covering the payments until the year 2001, one year more than required. They refused. It’s not money they seek, but penance.
Quoting the mother, ‘We want to receive the check every week on time. He must understand we are going to pursue this until August of the year 2000. We will go back to court every month if we have to.’
Few would question the anger of the family. Only the naïve would think it fair to leave the guilty unpunished. But I do have one concern. Is 936 payments enough? Not for Tunell to send, mind you, but for the family to demand? When they receive the final payment, will they be at peace? In August 2000, will the family be able to put the matter to rest? Is 18 years’ worth of restitution sufficient? Will 196 months’ worth of remorse be adequate?”
How much is enough? The family could have demanded one dollar a week for the rest of their lives and it would not have been enough. It would not bring back their daughter, it would not make the pain disappear and it would not make Tunell any more guilty.
The best course of action would be to forgive. Easy to say, hard to do.
The family’s response is a familiar one, unfortunately. We withhold forgiveness, if we think that it would prolong the punishment or suffering of the one who hurt us.
What would Jesus say or do? We already know. As He hung from the cross, He cried out to His Father to forgive them for they know not what they do.
Should we do anything less?
Blessings,
Pastor Cory, d.v.
d.v., deo volente: God willing