Effective Father Quality #2: An effective father cares for his children’s mother.
A family is an organism and not an organization. It is a group of people who live in an incredibly close relationship with one another. The closest relationship within this organism is between husband and wife.
Genesis 2:24 says, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
The Bible teaches that a husband and wife become one. It is the main reason why a family is not an organization; it is an organism. Children become a part of the organism.
One of the best things a father can do is love and care for his children’s mother. Children feel most secure when marriages are solid. When father and mother are not getting along, children become insecure and afraid.
These are the words of a 4th grader – “He comforts me when I am not OK. He sacrifices his time when I want to do something special and he doesn’t want to… He always listens to my side of the story. He treats my mom very nicely, which makes me feel wanted.”*
Whenever my wife and I were having a rough time, our youngest child would act out. She was never really disobedient or unruly. She would have a hard time sleeping or she would just get fussy. We noticed it after a season and decided that we needed to work on our marriage in order to be good parents.
Dads, make sure you are working on your marriage. Initiate date nights. Be open to Christian counseling. Sign up the two of you for things like Marriage Enrichment Weekends or other things designed to improve marriages.
One of the results of having a great marital relationship is that dad and mom, husband and wife can work together to form a formidable parenting team.
An effective father can say yes to the following four questions**:
- Do you discuss your children’s development with your wife?
- Do you discuss your children’s problems with your wife?
- Do you discuss goals for each child with your wife?
- Do you discuss your frustrations as a parent with your wife?
An effective father can receive the following from mom***:
- Additional data about the children.
- Another perspective on the children.
- Advice on improving parenting skills.
Caring for the mother of his children can reap the incredible benefits of having a healthy partnership in a whole host of things, especially helping make the husband an effective father.
Something to think about…
*Citation: Ken R. Canfield, The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers, Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois, 1992, p. 7.
**Citation: Ken R. Canfield, The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers, Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois, 1992, p. 129.
***Citation: Ken R. Canfield, The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers, Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois, 1992, p. 130-131.